the last hour, a calm start, smooth water, silence
thankful for this time
and now the move south
the last hour, a calm start, smooth water, silence
thankful for this time
and now the move south
hmmmm… about these instructions… I have had discussions , worried they break your beingness in this place. Its not what you do… But Rebecca says that this is the point. Am very aware about the daunting .. Interpretation is up to you..there are other elements included….. Maybe.. This is where It gets interesting.. Imagine if you did this for a year… Rebecca would have you at the ends of the earth and yourself?.. Whereas I might just ultimately refuse to instruct …How we think out differently I think.. Or maybe it seems dangerous to me.. of the things I could think of suggesting…and then what happens…These are random tentative exploratons of self in a particular space and time…..maybe not random enough..the aim is uncertain, a gathering of ‘more’ to work from and through.The Instructions mirrors of our own accumulancies.
Are there discussions to be had about the compass of life changing, instruction/connection/ omnipotency, and its opposite ,rules of life, ritual, chaos and order etc..there is always Extreme compass. Which could be life or death…and taste of fear etc..
24 directions sounds strong. Good luck…
know I have not had my mind turned towards the compass, and you have both been setting up web communications which I have so far not negotiated, I have been marking in the book tho.. it goes in surges , But you are finding some space to unravel . Must be strange sense of time marking days…also isolation ..I am not sure when this turns to loneness…I sometimes think it is like fasting.. Of the mind..I think it takes days to move away from the jangle of everyday and lose that and be deepening. I was worried the Instructions would interfere with simplicity of being self. The wind sounds like its pushing you around the surface of the earth , I have been trying to imagine the sounds of it whistling. It seems like you have gone to the moon.
I am midst clatter
I was sending directions for you there as though you were an avatar in my memory of the place, asking you to explore the things I would have wanted explore further if I was actually there.
Its been like a funny underlying thread to my life here, thinking of what you are or might be seeing there in Stykkishholmer. After having been there together last year I can visualize the spaces so clearly, although I am looking forward to hearing about the differences and new areas you will have discovered in the surrounding landscape in reality.
Frida wrote an email and said beautiful
Greta said that laying down with the glaciers was a moment full of worship and it brought tears to her eyes, when I jumped from weather to weather, I was fighting the bad weather within us . She also found a connection to a sadness in the pillars. That because of no sound she felt the enclosed sound of all of us was brought open.
her brother-in-law was overwhelmed by it, her sister said he was ‘a new man’! He felt calm and joyous.
she was so tired from her opening but sat and watched me and as much the audience because we could all be see. The one man who started of surprised and the began to look at how the building was mad, with the wife in a stubborn chair, the odd young man in the other room, the thin thin old lady who stood like a ghost the whole time as if a wrath, the completely annoying photographer – how could he not know what he was doing, how could someone be so thoughtless….
rainbow circle rainbow
reflected clouds east
sun’s ray’s fall
Very occaisonally you may see a phenomenon known as a ‘sun pillar.’ This appears as a colomn of either red or white light light extending vertically above and below the sun, and this is crossedby a similar horizontal bar. When it forms a complete cross in this manner, it is called the ‘heavenly cross.’A sun pillar is caused by the reflection of the sun’s rays on the vertical sides of columnar crystals in the atmosphere. Under similar conditions a ‘moon pillar’ is occasionally seen.
Weather by Reginald M Lester F.R.Met.Soc.
Day 1 wistful, worshipping
Day 2 unsure, fear,astounded, calm
Day 3 tired lassitude, achy
Day 4 contemplative, removed
Day 5 introspective
Day 6 gently sad, empathetic sad
Day 7 joyful, tired, uneasy
Day 8 lazy, anxious, ponderous, distracted
Day 9 focused, clear, single-minded embarressed
Day 10 at peace, invigorated, nervous,edgy, bereft, complete
Day 11 thoughtful, elated, grateful, sad
Directions from yesterday.
Answering the questions.
Has my sense of time shifted
Well, that it feels endless yet incredibly full, there have not been many times I have just sat and looked out the window, though walking around town just watching the view I just let my steps take me on all these newly familiar routes and am surprised if they take five minutes or twenty-five, there is never a moment without a long view or a big sky.
I wake at roughly the same time and sleep around midnight, no alarms. The first few days felt more strongly structured as I gave myself the rituals and directions to do, which were enough in themselves. I gradually loosened the order of them and took more time, shifted around a bit, spread out, there were many days where I did something in concentration for up to four or five hours, by that I mean really no breaks, why don’t I feel the same license at home? Anyway it has gone into an overall shape – intense first few days, weather too, full of adventures and new places, notetaking, exploring, as my awareness and openness became more and more and everything began to be seen as if it were a line of poetry – an ‘awe’some way to be, immense gratitude, but also an ‘evening out’ of mood made the mood compass hard as in general I felt so even and calm, partly the swimming, partly the immense amount of silence, partly the weather and landscape, partly no people, so I had to dig to find the mood changes and feelings.
The ferry was a turning point, the first long ‘encased’ ride over, then on deck freezing on the way back, and then it shifted, Ragnheildur arrived back, idea for a performance formed, suppers, wine, life stories and secrets. The intent became more focused to the event and the ‘world’ I was in came in to achieve that, came in does not sound good but it is what happens to me when the tangible has to happen.
I have connected with three women, R, the potter and Frida, one her stories and tragedies, two her generosity and artistry and thirdly because I was so open to her and we have bonded against unusual odds. But relationships take more time and energy and they were in the latter half of my time so that changes the structures too, though to say I had a rigid structure is untrue there were just things I wanted to do everyday. I started off military and achieving and continued achieving but softened and did not feel bad when I missed going to the light house ( I might have been blown off!). I do mind the missing the one swimming because I made the effort to go there after the performance and it was closed.
I have not made a structure for each day more of a list of ‘things to do’ if I did not do them they got shifted on. I started with swimming first then this began to swing around to later, but I was the first in the pool today and who knows maybe tomorrow.
I am not sure mood affects my structure very much. I think or seem to remember while here that I do actually have incredible inbuilt discipline. I was a dancer, one goes through so much ‘over riding’ of mood and body to do that so though I think I am lax and moody now, its only in comparison to that.
I find it hard to run my whole structure when its mine. I know this is my first year without children so I need to give myself time to adjust, R said it took her ten years, but its almost a relief to go and do the job in Toronto for five weeks when I can only do that, it has set hours but it feels so easy to have a job and a timetable. Somehow this year with no more paid jobs is hard and I am not sure I am achieving so much, it gets dissipated. My week at Fabrica and these 11 days are highlights of intensity, focus, discipline and I am at my happiest/calmest. Yet I also know I need the pull back times, the slow relaxed times, and social time. I am mostly social with one person at a time, that for me is best, and I use lots of my time for that.
So mood does not affect my structure much, though the day with all the drinking water was my least fulfilling day, so how one’s body feels is something even if I over ride it often. So I think structure does affect my moods. I like it even if it is my own logic of structure.
My wild moments of falling off the edge of why, what, how, do cripple me momentarily, but one thing with age at least I know they will pass, or at least I know they are to do with ego, envy, little-mindedness, and that the pain, which is genuine, can be ameliorated by a sense of wholeness, interconnection and seeing one’s place in the world.
Ah the ferry is coming in I might go greet it.
List of rituals and how I fared
bird flight drawing every day
found poem every day
read a poem every day ( that is usually a given but surprised myself how much deeper they carried)
postcards to Rebecca & Nichola everyday
emails to 5 people everyday ( who you would expect!)
work in the Library of Water everyday
receiving and following directions everyday ( never looking at them early)
swim everyday but one
lighthouse visit everyday but twopicking up an object everydayfinding a flower or plant everyday but threeadding a picture to the shelf everydaywalking miles everyday, have walked along nearly every road in town writing, photographing staring at the view everydayI have talked to someone everyday but some days just a few wordsOh I have had a hot chocolate nearly everyday!
Thinking about the piece it was almost like a meditation rather than the hard task based feeling I thought it had, I was just not relating to them, which is something that has really struck me more about the pillars and the films and the ideas, they are through a container….will think more on that.
it’s the first time I can really see the seaweed moving underwater something to do with calm and light
Have just come back from the Viking boat launch a wonderful event at the big shipyard, invited by the ship yard owner’s wife , really kind of her as very special event . The Boat was launched with a sextet of Brass players playing a new composition, it was the tryout – it gets packed in a crate and sent to the Venice Biennale tomorrow . Much nicer here with just the friends and artists, he is Iceland’s biggest artist I think – again Icelandic food, pancakes and rye bread with salmon and champagne.They enjoy life in Iceland I must say!
Its the best day, warm, sunny only tiny clouds along the horizon, snow shining on the mountains behind and in front all unsnowed the colour of my mustard green trousers, dull winter grass – no mowing. Sitting in the rubbish at the back of the fish yards nearly to the SW a bit W I know my directions very well here, need to improve them at home.
Birds gulls cormorants brown robins,, its actually noisy
all the fishing boats are out, lazing in the water, R says they go out whenever they can, keep old ways going.I am sitting on a rock amongst rubbish and broken seashells, its all a mess together. I like the different view of the lighthouse from here, without a house in it though I am among the warehouses, sunday, they could be empty but I felt and heard a thud, on a day like this no evil could come from scandanavian warehouses on the edge of the sea…
This is not a mile but its very peaceful
I will do a mile later when I go to the shipyard for a party…off there now
I went for a swim in bright warm sun as the pool opened then looked to church but no cars so no service, so walked back by the Convent determined to go in, it is Sunday. Just walked straight into the chapel, incense still in the air and lots of children having sunday school next door, how often will that come back to them in their memoirs I wonder, it does seem to mark people.
The Chapel, so unappealing, dark modern wood and crazy paving as the back altar wall! With a normal ‘realistic’ wooden crucifix and plain altar below, no this does not have beauty , what are beautiful are the 14/15 stations of the cross carved wood pictures around the edge, especially the borders, all sorts of leaves. No they are not from here as no trees, sort of poignant.
Then I realize it is all Polish, less Icelandic then.
I saw a man pursuing the horizon
by Stephen Crane
I saw a man pursuing the horizon;
Round and round they sped.
I was disturbed at this;
I accosted the man.
“It is futile,” I said,
“You can never-”
“You lie,” he cried,
And ran on.
rise and fall